Since my last post, there's a lot of things i thought of writing but then the time slip without me doing so. To be honest, my life is far from interesting. But everyday, every single breath i take, I have a story to share. The story of how my life is so much involved in God's hand.. So much so that I feel compelled to shared and rejoicing His intervention in my life.
There's really no coincidence. I believe in that. Everything happens for a reason. It just a matter of how we took a look at that particular events that occurred. Remember, we, in all our humanity is limited in our understanding of 'things'. The 'invisible' is far greater than the 'visible'. And we the creature of 'visible' world have difficulties to go beyond what our eyes can justify.
I really wish I can share to my friends how my life had been changed dramatically recently. To share how God had touch my heart to its core until I fall on my knees and beg for mercy. To beg for comfort. And receiving it abundantly.Sometimes it's a difficult thing to do. To open your heart and share it with others. Because we are afraid of judgment. Being seen as 'weak', 'sad', 'failed' or anything such. We are not without flaws, each one of us. Yet, it is difficult to let people notice our flaws. Judgment did kills u know. It happens to me too. I have worries of letting people see me as 'victim' or being 'sad' and anything such that will expose my vulnerability. I wish I can appear 'strong' when actually my heart is terribly aching inside. But it is no secret to God that I am very vulnerable and my heart is marked with the 'fragile' sign.
The word 'sympathy' did make me feel pathetic. That's why I prefer not to have it from others. I guess it's because I was afraid of hearing so-called comfort words with a hidden tone of victory. U know, the 'poor u' kind of things but with a hidden 'serve u right' kind of tones. But let me be vulnerable. It's tiring to pretends everything's fine when it is not.
Egoism kills the very core of people's heart. Knowing u need help from God but pretending as if God is blind to see your heart can get you into troubles. And as ironic as it is, God did NOT judge us for being 'weak', 'sad' or 'vulnerable', as oppose to what flawed human being do. And here, I in all my vulnerability, am saying I have found a place to put my fragile-marked heart and not afraid of being acknowledged as weak. Because that's what I am. A weakling, found strength in my God's hand.
Ever wonder why God let good things happen to you but took it away when you are not even aware whether you are ready for it or not? I did.
But as I have mentioned before, NOTHING is COINCIDENCE. It is in His plan. My heart finally seek God with all the hope I have left. And after I surrender everything, though I did not get what I wish for in life - I was converted. Thanks be to God.
I will write more. For now, that's all I want to share.
Till finger meet keypad again.^_^
(Published in fishonfriday.wordpress.com on 3 Apr 10)
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